This is a story about a boy. A boy named….Billy….lets say. Billy was a good kid, a sweet kid, a little awkward socially some might say. But good. The other children couldn’t see that good though; they couldn’t manage to get past his small stature. He was young for his grade and to make matters worse he came from parents whose combined height was still less than eleven feet. To put it bluntly-he was a shrimp. As it was, Billy had fallen into that most unfortunate situation of social situations…he was at the bottom of the nerd hierarchy. Yes. The nerd hierarchy. Even the unpopular have an elite. Not only was Billy not cool, but his size made him ripe for being picked on by those who were picked on. In particular their was one overweight classmate who relished mocking him even more than the others. Perhaps it was because of the size differential. We’ll call this large outcast Chris. Chris called him munchkin and garden gnome and Billy-bo Baggins. But no matter how clever the names, they hurt Billy-bo Baggins. They hurt him bad. But Billy had a plan. He wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life making trips between the bathroom and the water fountain at lunch. He was going places. You see, Billy knew that what he lacked in mass, he made up for in brain power. This would be his revenge. That Hannukah, Billy received a word of the day calendar. Three hundred and sixty five new phonic weapons to wield. He looked forward to his daily vocabulary lessons, writing each one on a post it note and sticking it on his bathroom mirror. Every morning he would go over this material, drinking in the definitions. And then one day it happened. He found the perfect word. The word that described Chris in all his heinous, disgusting, revolting, foul, nasty, cruddy, loathly, offensive, wicked, implike, repellent, distasteful, unsporting, putrid and repulsive glory. He took it to school with him. He carried it in his head hidden behind a sheepish smile and he waited. First period couldn’t end soon enough. Billy daydreamed what it would be like for Chris to hear this word, to let the meaning fully sink into that thick head. This would surely prove not only to Chris but to all his classmates that he was indeed their mental superior. Someone to be revered. Admired even. Never again would he face the slings and arrows of their taunts. Today, he would outsmart them. The bell rang for recess. Billy sat where he always sat as the inevitable was soon to occur. Chris lumbered over, a roll of Fruit by the Foot dangling from his mouth.
‘Hey Billy-Bo! It’s too bad they don’t make this in your size! They’d call it Fruit by the Millimeter!’
Billy smiled. This was it.
‘Chris. You are so REBARBATIVE.’
Silence. Victory. The fat boy was confused.
‘What did you call me!?!’
‘I said you’re REBARBATIVE Chris, you are SO REBARBATIVE.’
It felt so good to repeat it.
‘You’re calling me Rubarb-if?’
‘NO Chris. I’m calling you REBARBATIVE. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT REBARBATIVE MEANS?’
It was obvious he didn’t. Chris looked around, no help in sight. He had been bested and he was on his own.
That day Billy came home early with a black eye.