As a child, I believed that all Christians were chumps.
Growing up in Orange County this meant that a LOT of my classmates fell into this category.
After all, these were rational human beings with healthy, developing brains that still gave credence to the notion that once a year, a man in a fur lined suit circumnavigated the globe in a sleigh powered by flying reindeer and touched down in every home leaving presents for good little girls and boys.
All physics aside, this theory still had gaping holes.
Why did rich kids get more presents than poor kids?
How does a complete stranger know your shoe size?
Isn’t that the same guy riding a giant electric shaver in those Circuit City commercials?
Clearly these poor simpletons had been duped. As the token Jew at my Montessori preschool I made it my business to let them know. I was of course promptly set aside and told that I wasn’t about to be the one who showed these fools the man behind the curtain.
Imagine my dismay when years later, whilst snooping through my mother’s things I happened upon a clear plastic box filled with human teeth.
It was labeled ‘William.’
Right next to it was another one filled with even more teeth.
It was labeled ‘Edward.’
This couldn’t be happening. I was sure my Mother would have a reasonable explanation. I needed answers.
‘Is the Toothfairy real?’ I asked.
She smiled and looked me directly in the eye ‘What do you think?’
‘I’m worried it might not be……I mean….No….No I don’t think it is…..I found a box of my teeth….’ I admitted.
Then I cried.
Was this really possible? Was I no better off then the yuletide celebrating schmucks I so pitied?
Moreover, what else had I been lied to about?
I think about this every Passover, when we send a child to open up the door for Elijah and take turns sipping from a cup of wine.