I want to make a big-budget Hollywood film about the Exodus from Egypt—sort of a prequel to ‘the greatest story ever told,’ Charlton Heston’s “Ten Commandments.” I already have the perfect title: “How to Lose a Pharaoh in 10 Plagues,” in part, an homage to “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” While this movie may not be a romantic comedy like its big screen correlate (though I’m open to suggestions), the two stories, like their titles, will be strikingly similar.
In his most challenging role yet, Matthew McConaughey will play the arrogant bare-chested pharaoh, and in a breakthrough role as a man, Kate Hudson will play the lovable leader of the Jewish people, Moses. Much like the on-screen relationship they shared in 2003, the cocksure pharaoh, with a southern drawl, will attempt to keep his hold on the impetuous yet congenial prophet whilst he (she) will do everything to break free. In both films, Hudson uses every weapon in her arsenal to make herself completely unwanted and more trouble than she’s worth. Though, instead of using tactics like rearranging furniture and emotional outbursts to get rid of McConaughey, in my film she will employ the wrath of God by sending plague upon plague until eventually all the first-born of Egypt are slain. Of course, this will result in a third act denouement, in which pharaoh will release Moses and the Jewish people only to realize what he’s lost and send his forces to get them back. This is where my film and its inspiration differ.
In the original, Matt races down the Manhattan Bridge on a motorcycle during a you’re-going-to-leave-town-forever-unless-I-can-stop-you scene where he confesses his love to Kate and the two embrace as the credits roll. My vision is to have a large CGI sequence in which Hudson calls upon Hashem to part the Red Sea and destroy the impending Egyptian army. Don’t get me wrong, I do have an ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ attitude about my work, which is why I’ll preserve sentiment of the film. Essentially, both are stories about a relationship of utility that, once severed, reveal release and the seemingly magical triumph of choice and action. But, I want James Cameron to direct mine. Oh, and I want the whole thing to be in 3-D.
I already have an idea for the sequel: “10 Commandments I Gave to the Jews” (see: “10 Things I Hate About You”…..OK, maybe that’s stretching it)