It is amazing that after thousands of years, Jews have perfected cutting the foreskin, but have completely failed to snip the umbilical cord.
Ahhhhh, Jewish mothers.
If you were a sports team, a Jewish mother would be the fan who arrived at the game the day before to tailgate, covered in body paint, drunkenly cheering you on from the stands despite the fact that you haven’t won a championship in over a decade.
They are our biggest supporters.
A Jewish mother knows that in order to succeed, her child needs three things:
1. Food. Nobody ever became a lawyer, a doctor, or an entertainment mogul on an empty stomach.
2. Confidence. Often in life, people will try to point out your flaws, argue where you could or should have done something differently and occasionally suggest an alternative to your way of thinking. These people are crazy, and these people are wrong. Your mother knows this.
3. Protection. A word of caution: Whether you are a kid on the playground, a high school English teacher, or somebody’s boss, DO NOT upset a Jewish mother.
I’ll admit it. I’m 26 years old. I pay my own bills, do my own laundry, make my own bed, cook my own food, schedule my own dentist appointments, take care of myself when I’m sick, have my own company, pay taxes, put away money for retirement and live far away from the place I grew up; but when I have a bad day, there’s still one person I call….