Let’s play a game called “Two lies, one truth.” The rules are simple: I will list three statements about myself and you will guess which one is the truth. So, here we go…
1. I hide how I truly feel behind emoticons.
2. Growing up in Orange County, where there are more Del Tacos than Jewish people, being a member of the tribe meant being different. As a minority that was excluded from pretty much all elementary school activities in the month of December, I found myself needing to defend a religion that was not considered by classmates to be ‘fun.’ Being as they had no reference for what Judaism is, and due to the fact that I was a compulsive liar, I often played up what I thought were the two redeeming (though untrue) Jewish stereotypes: that I got eight presents for Hannukah and that I was allowed to drink wine during Kiddush. I explained that not only was I allowed to drink on Shabbat, but that I was often drunk during the weekends. I informed them that it was very common for a nine-year-old like myself to get together with other kids on Friday night and have pizza parties with Manischewitz. Not just wine either, I rattled off the library of libations in my parents’ liquor cabinet— Johnny Walker, Bacardi, Beefeater, etc. I bragged that the ‘8 present rule’ extended to the Sabbath, and described in vivid detail the new Nintendo games and Ninja Turtle figurines I was given each week. Lucky for me, in truth I had no friends during the fourth grade, save for a quiet little boy from Maryland who was too timid to question my veracity.
3. I don’t use preventative balding shampoo and conditioner on a daily basis.
That’s right! You guessed it ; - )